6. Sausage Bits

The following was written on May 15, 2008. A rescued story from my discarded blog.

"I-aiiii'm not finished," continued the sheep. "Thirdly, you should know better, Maggy Donut, than to speak in rhyme to sheep. We don't like it."

"Wooly-de-Dooly!" cried Maggy Donut. "It's you! I'd recognise your indignation anywhere, even if your wool is black!"

"Harumph," harumphed Wooly-de-Dooly. Four black paws bounded up to Wooly-de-Dooly and an invisible tongue licked its ears affectionately.

"Alllll right," baa-ed the sheep. "Whaddaya want? And be quick about it. I've got a hoovedecure soon."

6. Sausage Bits

"This is Quantis," said Maggy Donut. "Quantis, meet Wooly-de-Dooly,"

"Ni-i-ce to meeeet you," baa-ed Wooly-de-Dooly. "Love your wool colour. I had that shade of brown last summer,"

"Thanks," said Quantis. "It's natural."

There was a pause. Maggy Donut cleared her throat. Twiggedo tried to exchange a glance with Quantis and wasn't surprised when she didn't see it.

"Wooly-de-Dooly, do you have any idea where we can find The Big Fat Duchess of Yolk?"

"Whaddaya want to see her for?" asked Wooly-de-Dooly. "She's cracked. Eggshells in all the wrong places. Why, last week my wool-dresser was telling me that she spent the whole morning looking for sausages. Sausages, I tell you! She set her entire herd of pigs through the strainer and you should have seen the result! Big fat sausages running around the fields! Small sausages getting stuck between your hooves! And the oil-stains on the pavement..."

"Do tell us where she is," begged Quantis. " My father's missing and we've got to find him! Humpty Dumpty said she knows something about it,"

"Well, he never actually said that," interjected Maggy Donut. "But yes, Wooly-de-Dooly, do tell us where to find her."

"Aaa-lright," said Wooly-de-Dooly. "Just follow the sausage bits. She can't be very far away."

"Thanks, Wooly-de-Dooly," said Maggy Donut. "Enjoy your hoovedecure." She scratched Wooly-de-Dooly behind the ears affectionately, and the big black sheep started trotting off into the vibrant horizon.

And so our adventuresome trio started out on a search through La-La Land, following a trail of scattered sausage bits. Some sausage bits were easy to find, as they were lying about conspicuously on the path. Other bits were a bit tricky as they were still wriggling and therefore changed position constantly. Quantis had to stop Twiggedo from chasing them down sausage-burrows and up green crayoned-trees.

Along the way, they met all sorts of crazy characters. They met the Spiralling Caterpillar of Greenery, who tried to hypnotise them by spiralling around in front of their eyes. Twiggedo took care of that threat by having no visible eyes for the Caterpillar to focus on. With one swipe of a black paw, the Spiralling Caterpillar was sent spiralling into the greenery.

Once they were startled to find a penguin popping up from the earth right in front of them.

"How are you doing, my monochromatic friend?" asked the penguin in smooth Mafia patter. "Where is this?"

"La-la Land," supplied Quantis helpfully, seeing the Twiggedo was either unable or unwilling to answer. (It occured to her at this point that while she had heard Twiggedo warble, she had not heard Twiggedo enunciate.)

The penguin smacked an angry wing on the earth. "Too far east! Come on fellas, let's get out of here!" There was a sound of a body of penguins diving deeper under the earth. Turning to the three of them, the penguin waved his wings in a suave and dangerous manner. "You didn't see anything..."

With that, the penguin disappered.

Shrugging, the three of them continued on the sausage trail. All this time the sheer colour of the landscape escaped their notice. There were many distracting and curious figures walking the land. Huge purple and yellow butterflies hovered about two-dimensional flowers, crudely scribbled out against a background of childish alphabets. Every once in a while a house would fall out of the sky, squashing witches with red-and-white striped stockings.

More than once, Maggy Donut,Quantis and Twiggedo would be stopped by a clownish policeman for breaking one of the rules in La-la Land. (Don't walk on the water, don't cross when the zebras are walking, don't be oblivious to the wackiness of the landscape.) Fortunately, the policemen were easily appeased with sausage bits.

They found the Big Fat Duchess of Yolk busy ordering her minions (little chessmen) to polish her merry-go-round. A gigantic merry-go-round, with insane-looking horses bobbing on gleaming golden poles and carnival music out of It, was spinning round and round in time to the music. Long, flowing white streamers with what looked like blood stains flowed against the wind, attached to tall iron poles. Nearby stood a stall and a sign which read,

"THE BIG FAT DUCHESS OF YOLK PROUDLY PRESENTS

AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF CARNIVALRY!

AN EVENT NOT TO BE MISSED!

DO NOT PRESUME TO MISS IT!

Cautiously, Maggy Donut, Quantis and Twiggedo approached the Big Fat Duchess of Yolk.++