The worship leader had just taken the stage. Acoustic guitar in hand, he strummed a few chords while reading from Psalm 100. Jared quietly slid into one of the back rows, ignoring the gestures of the usher. He stared at the words on the projector. A familiar song, this one. It was a song he used to sing back when he was in the youth. A different church, a different time.
Mouthing the words automatically, Jared let his mind wander, the smell of the air-conditioning that all churches seem to have bringing old memories to the surface. The lady next to him sang shrilly, hands raised in worship. In front of him two teenagers texted discreetly. An old man snored in the corner.
Jared brought his attention back to the screen. I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus. He rolled the words around in his mouth, trying to imagine what it would be like to mean it. The lost exuberance of his former youth scrabbled right below the surface of his emotions, just beyond his reach. He gave up.
The offering bag was being passed around. He scrunched up a few notes in his hand, and dropped them in. Announcements. The number of camps and workshops and seminars exhausted him. Where did these people get the strength? What was the point, anyway? Did any of it really even matter?
Maybe, Jared reflected, it did. At least they had things to do, a goal to reach. Something to feel good about. Jared was once like them. He even organised an icebreaker once, for a youth service. It was back when he was in love with Christianity. A Planet Shaker.
A young preacher got up on the podium. With his laptop in front of him, the preacher expertly told a funny story, and gave an outline of his sermon. It was about ‘Eagle’s Wings’. Wasn’t that a song?
God led the Israelites out of Egypt, and brought them to Himself on eagle’s wings. It’s like you and I. You know, once we were like the chicks in the nest, comfortable staying in our own Egypts, our own comfort zones of television shows, and good cars, and small families. We thought it was all there is to life, and we liked it. But God, you know, well, He has something better for us (Amen) and He pushes us out of our comfort zones, our nests, just like the mother eagle. And when we fall, He catches us and carries us on eagle’s wings.That’s God for you, He…
The preacher continued. Jared thought about the eagle. He didn’t think he was in a comfort zone. He wasn’t unhappy either. He was just…in limbo. Did God exist? He wasn’t sure. Sometimes, on rainy days, Jared felt that God must be out there somewhere. But most days he didn’t think about it at all. Megan believed all the time, and she always made Jared say grace. He did it to make her happy. Having something to believe in, even if it might not be true, was better than believing in nothing at all.
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